Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
