Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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