I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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