I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize