i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
