Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
