the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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