I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
