is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
did i walk over a car last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
