Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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