Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
