OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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