apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
