i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
