So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
