The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
