Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
