It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
