So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
