Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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