apparently the secret to your success is patron
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
