Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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