so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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