Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
