Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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