she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize