I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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