My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
