Too much gin, very little bucket
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
