if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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