i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
