Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
