I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Randomize
