I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
