He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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