would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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