Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
