I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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