oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize