I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
