Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
