dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
