Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
