I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
