Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
