oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize