Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
