hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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