It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
