Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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