so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
