Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
