Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
