Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My dick has a subreddit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
