They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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