your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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