Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize