No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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