I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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