I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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