We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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