I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
