Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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