Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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