i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Two words: blizzard sex
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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