I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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