Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
