Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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