this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize