I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
