why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize