Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
