I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
