Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
