I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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