my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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