we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
