Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
