how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
