my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
