we have officially lost it.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
