And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
