I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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