My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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