Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
