You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
