yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
