All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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