We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
