youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
