i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
