I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You made out with two different species that night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
