Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
