I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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