What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Still dying that you shit outside
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
