Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
